Sick
by Gdragonhunter
Summary: I may be sick to many. I know I am. I know my thoughts are wrong. I know the way he says he loves me he means it to be pure. I should never of touched myself to him. I should have never touched him impurely. I make myself sick thinking about my fantasies with him. He doesn't know. Our parents don't know. The world doesn't know.


**Frustrations**

There he sat with his messy black hair. He was so fragile like he could break any second. I wanted to break him, I wanted to steal his glowing innocence. I knew I couldn't and I would not.

He was my brother no matter if we don't have many similarities or that we don't act like brothers but it was wrong, I was wrong.

He was so interested in this old movie he looked so kid like, his mind was thinking of how good the movie was or who was the mystery killer. He had no idea his older brother had his own thoughts, thoughts that would disgust him, thoughts that would separate me and him and he should never know.

He had his fingers stuffed in a metal bowl of popcorn licking his fingers from the extra butter it was a normal act but it set me off so much. He had such petite hands I will always wonder how it would look wrapped around my penis.

Even the thought of that got me swollen. He did not need to know his brother was lusting after him, no one needed to know. I did not even want to know myself. It made me sick knowing his small helplessness turned me on more than any of my girlfriends any porn I have watched has never been enough for me but even having him close to me made me want to slam him down on this mattress until he cried for me to stop.

I needed to go and now before he figures it all out.

I stood up from my irregular position hanging my long legs down until I felt the coldness on the bottom of my feet.

"Hyung?" I heard the sweet voice speak with curiosity.

I looked back at him who was wiping his fingers on my large shirt I allowed him to borrow. That almost hung off his small frame allowing me to see his beautiful collar bone. I searched all over him seeing his thin legs that were spread out with the bowl of unhealthy snacks were placed in the middle of his already spread out legs. If only I could be between those legs.

"Hyung!" I heard him speak again but this time he raised his volume.

"Yes?" I answered pasting a fake poker face not allowing him to see myself in a torturing state.

"The movie still playing don't you want to see who the murder is?" He questioned having his face form in to a pout. It was dark but I could still see his eyes filled with sadness. That I hated the most but the thought of him getting sad about my disappearance made me filled with happiness, I know it shouldn't.

"How about you tell me tomorrow I am just going take a shower before I go back to bed" I answered calming myself from my impure thoughts popping up even when I know there is no point in stopping them anymore.

"Can you sleep with me tonight, I will turn down the noise so you can sleep and I will clean up the food" He pleading with his big brown eyes digging in my heart. I knew it would be the death of me but I could never make him sad with my negative answers.

"Yes" I quickly mumbled before I started to walk away towards I haft open door. Outside of the door was dark but you could still see from the moon light shining in.

I never even bothered being quiet as it made it to the bathroom. Dad is usually out until morning and mom is passed out on the heavy meds making it were she was barley functioning properly any more. I wish that was not the case but it's not like your wishes are ever fulfilled.

I walked to the small bathroom that was located just a few feet away from Jiyong's room. It was cramped and not the greatest condition but at least it was clean.

You might think that since we are living in poverty that we are dirty but Jiyong always clean up around the house after school. He keeps his grades up even when both of his parents are gone or not functional he acts like he is living the best of the best.

He is so cheerful and optimistic but my mind is different it's full of hate for my dead beat parents or that the schools never cared with home problems and now falling me for my lack of participation or how my absentness are adding up. We are just three years apart but I feel almost dead inside but he is so _alive._

The bathroom was pinch black with no windows just lingering the smell of bleach. It was no use in the first place to even try to turn on a light in here the light bulb broke I know what you're thinking get a new light bulb but the problem is we have no money for it no car to go out where they were and even in the back of my head I liked the darkness it scared me enough to get out of my own unholy thoughts.

Without another action I tugged off my boxers putting down on the small sink that was right next to the shower thanks to the contractors. I walked in the shower feeling the small puddles of water from other showers. The dirt from my feet rubbed off on the white tile as I turned the metal faucet making the tub to start to dump out water from the rusty hole. I waited until it got to an almost warm state well that was the highest it would go for about my five minutes.

I slung up the thing that would make the water to start pouring in the shower faucet. I hissed a little as I started to get used to the almost cold water.

I stood there until the pain under my stomach started to throb as I remembered why I was taking a shower. I slipped my hand over my rock hard member. Palming myself a little as my imagination started to take over my mind.

His small wet mouth would suck me more and more trying his best to take me all for my sake of pleasure even when it hurts him the most. His wet saliva would drip down myself as would hold the rest of me in the hands of his own. He would use his use his tongue to move around me. He would slurp and moan as I would thrust in his mouth. I would lose control as I would slam him down as on the ground sticking it in him fast and hard as his tight warmness surrounded me as he would beg me to go faster. He would scream and moan as he was pounded in on the floor.

I shot my own substance downwards as I pumped it until the last drop was swimming down the drain.

"What is wrong with me" I mumbled to myself as my hands balled in to fist.

How could I be like this lusting over my own brother? I have to live with each part of my thoughts, my dreams, my actions, Jiyong can think I am all right but I am not. I wish I was the family that would have family gaming or that my mom every night would whisper I love you and tuck me in. That I would have a normal reckless relationship with my brother and we would argue about what we would watch on TV or are parents would tell us to settle down but like I said wishes cannot be fulfilled they are parts of some ones imagination.

Someone who wants that new Xbox or that her baby will grow up strong and healthy. Either or that kid could get grounded and never get to play with an Xbox, that mother could have raised a serial killer, there are too many problems for all of are useless wishes to come true.

People would recommend GOD he will help me, let Jesus take over your life. If he did send us down here if god did make us them why did he have to make me like this why did he have to let me live in this hell hole, the only good thing so called 'god' has done anything good for me was making Jiyong but then he had me have all of these fucked up problems with him. He is the angel and I am the demon.

After my so called 'shower' I put back on my boxers from the cold white sink that let little drips on water run from the faucet. I headed back to Jiyong's room when I knew I shouldn't but when have I ever listened to that little voice inside me.

I got closer to his room hearing the little voices coming from our television. I poked my head inside his room noticing that he was fast asleep with the wrappers and licked clean bowl spread around him as his mouth was parted a little with little huffs of breathes coming out.

I closed the door walking towards the little TV in front of his small bed.

I turned it off before it stopped and a little static voice came out then the whole screen turned black once more.

I walked back to Jiyong as I started to move all the garbage and trash as I set it on the floor next to us. I got paid today and asked him what he wanted, he screamed food so I let him go around the little store a few blocks away to pick a lot of food.

He was so cute, he wanted candy when he could get non ripped clothes or even better ripped up blankets. I want to be that innocent but I guess that train has already passed.

I pulled up the little blankets covering his chest as he only stirred in his sleep a little. Well there is no point sleeping here if he is already passed out. I patted his head a little, rubbing my hand on his pale cheek. One day I might just do something sinful.

I lingered my hand a little longer before I pulled away that's when I felt little hand stop my movement as he held on to my hand like life depended on it.

"Don't" He mumbled as he opened his slightly red, brown eyes that looked larger as he stared in to my soul with his innocent eyes.

I knew I could not argue with him I just went to the other side of the bed as I pulled the covers over me too. I stared up at the ceiling as I still felt his small hand playing with my hand.

I turned to the other side not facing him so I could take my hand away from him before I did something I would regret.

I felt the bed shift as his thin arms wrapped themselves nuzzling his head on my back wrapping one arm over me squeezing me tight.

"I love you~" Jiyong cooed in my ear.

"I love you too" I might mean it Ji more than anyone else but my love is different, my love is dangerous.

Author note:

I hope you guys liked the first chapter I am sorry if there are any errors or grammar mistakes. Oh yeah and their ages are 13 and 16. If you have any questions or suggestions please tell me they are always accepted.


End file.
